By Fr Henry Opara
All over the parishes and Catholic Chaplaincies, there are good numbers of spouses who may have lost either their husband or wives to death. Who pays attention to them? Do we take notice of them? Do we have any particular activity for them within the annual calendar of our parishes and chaplaincies? Recently, I was in a Catholic Chaplaincy at Lagos where the feast of St. Valentine was celebrated.
The first day was focused on the couples. They had their fill and pageantry. The second day was for teens and young adults while the last day was for little children. There was nothing for the widows and widowers. Obviously, they would not be comfortable joining the couples on the first day. St. Paul in his first letter to Timothy reminded us to ” be considerate to widows – if they are really widowed” (1 Tim. 5: 3).
Pope Francis, in his encyclical letter, ”on fraternity and social friendship” opined ”often nowadays we find neither the time nor the energy to stop and be kind to others, to say ”excuse me”, ”thank you”. Yet every now and then, miraculously, a kind person appears and is willing to set else aside in order to show interest, to give a gift of a smile, to speak a word of encouragement, to listen amid general indifference” (No.224).
Are we that kind to people in this situation around our environment? We should see ourselves as missionaries wherever we find ourselves. Bernard J. Cooke maintained that ”each Christian in his own life time contacts directly only a small portion of the worldwide community of faith.
And, obviously, he contacts directly only this community as it exists. Yet, the relatively small group each of us contacts immediately shares its faith and understanding with Christians throughout the world. The Church of today shares the heritage of Christian faith with the Christians of previous centuries. Christians in all parts of the world and in all ages of History form one people of God, one believing community.”
From the above citation, are we aware that the early Christian communities cared for the widows? There existed an office then in charge of the widows especially those who have nobody to fend for them during the third century. St. Paul made assertion to this in his first letter to Timothy on the care of the widows (1 Tim. 5: 4ff).
Recently, I organized a day programme for those of them within the parish community where I work. The first item was recognizing them, and thereafter created a framework of a particular period 2010 to 2024 to be blessed after the post communion prayers. Then, the evening session dealt on the ‘pains of separation’. The interactive session was very revealing to me.
It opened up to the many ugly experiences; maltreatment, discrimination, molestation and deprivations of all sorts including lands and properties especially for those with under aged children or no child, these widows go through simply because of the demise of their spouse.
It comes as if it is a crime to lose one’s spouse. The most annoying part is a situation where these negative experiences are orchestrated by their Catholic Brethren. At the end of the class, we had little refreshment and they left my sight with the following words, ‘Fada’ , ‘God bless you’, please , do not fail to be calling us from time to time to encourage us’.
The Priest As Helper and Comforter:Â The presence of the Priest is the presence of Christ. In the Gospels many scenes remind us of how deeply moved Jesus was by the sufferings of others. We think of Jesus and the leper (cf. Mk. 1: 40-45); of his response to the needy crowd (cf. Mk 6: 34); and of his feeling for the widow of Nain (cf. Luke 7: 13).” The Priest ought to care and listen to the cries of these members of the Church as the cry in their hearts like the disciples ”Lord, do you not care that we are perishing” (Mk 4: 8).
Apart from the consoling words during the funeral homilies, what next can he do? No doubt, people have said that the priest represents the parish. If he cares, the parish cares and if he does not, this attitude affects the whole parish. Can there be a programmme within the annual calendar that encompasses these widows and widowers as a parish or chaplaincy?
The Laity: They are the individuals who are staying within the environments of these widows and widowers. Should they not care about the welfare of their brothers and sisters? Should they not be their brethren’s keepers? Like the very words as presented in the Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World (Guadium et Spes), ”the joys and the hopes, the grief and the anxieties of the men of this age, especially those who are poor or in any way afflicted, these are the joys and hopes, the grief and anxieties of the followers of Christ.”(No. 1)
Do we see the members of the Church in our parishes and chaplaincies living in such manner? Do we remember to put into practice the exemplary values of the early Christian community through which the Scripture said that they were called Christians? (Acts 11: 19-30). In all, we can make some positive and vital difference, and we can start by doing the following:
Prayer: This can be done either individually or collectively; especially during Prayer of the faithful. The pains of separations experienced by them can never be imagined. They always need divine grace to be sustained.
Empowerment through Education: Knowledge they say is key. How many of these widows and widowers have the basic knowledge of their fundamental rights? Do you know that even the 1999 Constitution of Nigeria in Section 34(1) (a)* guarantees the right to dignity of the human person, including protection against any form of discrimination, including gender-based discrimination.
How many of widows and widowers knew the order of succession in Nigeria? How effective is the ecclesial agencies like Justice Development and Peace Commission (JDPC) in fighting for these our people? Are they even aware that JDPC could be of help to them? Over and above all, there is need to educate them to the level of mental health to accept the reality of their present conditions.
Empowerment through Financial / Material Care: We cannot negate the fact that the Church through her other children reaches out individually and even as a group like sodalities. Some groups like St. Vincent de Paul, Catholic Action Group (for places where it exists), Legion of Mary, do play some supportive roles in the total well being of these people. I am particularly grateful to the Ladies of St. Mulumba, Nigeria who during the tenure of Noble Meg Anozia created a platform with the name Think-Tank Project through which they were empowering the very poor widows throughout the whole provinces in Nigeria. This is highly commendable.
They went to the extent of providing shelter for them. The question remains, to what extents can the aforementioned instances go to alleviate the ugly experiences of many others who may not get these supports? Can these activities be more organized and streamlined in our parishes and chaplaincies? This will lead me to the next point.
Create a programme: This programme can come in various forms such as spiritual, material and psychological support. It will give them sense of belonging as well as create an atmosphere of human solidarity and love. It is a means through which we continue to reassure them of divine presence and care as Cardinal Sarah once said “God always watches over us.
Man may experience the darkest nights, endure the worst outrages, confront the tragic situations, yet God is with him. Often man forgets that God is present. If he is an unbeliever, he supposes that God does not exist. If he has a faith that has grown lukewarm because of the secularized atmosphere of the times, he despairs, thinking that God has abandoned him. But the Father stays with him despite all possible denials.”
Fr Henry Opara writes from Owerri, Imo State, Nigeria. He is the Parish Priest of St Anthony’s Catholic Parish, Ohekelem, Owerri Archdiocese.
