By Jude Atupulazi
No one needs be told about the condition of life in Nigeria now. This condition is making many to be devising means of survival. This reminds me of my university days, when we used to have codes for feeding in order to survive. Hence, we had such codes as 101 (feeding in the morning, not feeding in the afternoon and feeding once more in the night).
The zero means no food and you can use this formula to understand such other codes like 011, 110, and extreme cases like 001 and 010. Those who resorted to the last codes looked skeletal and they suffered in their academic work as you don’t expect a starving student to listen to their teacher.
Today, many more people are resorting to these survival codes in order to live and those who eat only once a day are more liable to commit suicide or run into moving vehicles. This is why whenever I see anyone standing by the roadside as if they want to cross, I always beep my horn and slow down a bit because you never know whether the person wants to commit suicide by throwing themselves under your car.
Also you may see someone on the road and you think they see you. Instead, their mind may be on the problems they have and before you know it you will hit them. Indeed, many Nigerians are becoming the walking dead.
This is no time to make trouble with anyone. Even if you are made angry by anyone, run, if you can avoid it. A slap on the person or a push by you to the person may cause their death and once this happens you will have a greater problem. First, the police will make sure they milk you and the family of the person will tell you to conduct the funeral.
As things have become so bad in Nigeria these days, it will therefore serve you well to not only avoid trouble, but to find ways of surviving within the limits of the law.
Food
For the working class people who cannot avoid eating outside, don’t go to those so-called high-brow restaurants where a plate of food costs not less than N4, 000. In most cases these places are overrated as what they cook is tasteless. Look for lesser known places, especially Mama Put. Even though their prices have also gone up, you can still eat food for N1, 000 or N1, 200 in such places. And their food even tastes better.
You can also spy out some good places which sell food at moderate prices. At least I know two of such places where a plate is between N1, 500 and N2, 000. They cook very well too; far better than any of the so-called big places in Awka.
One of these places I eat is managed by a man and people come from far and near to eat there. You can get a plate of food with two pieces of meat for N2, 000. Even their nsala soup with chicken (old layer) is N2, 000. This is something you cannot get in the so-called elite restaurants.
Then, in your home, you cook with bare necessities. This is no more the time to say that ”better soup na money make am”. It is the mantra of those who don’t know how to cook. I’ve never believed that trash. A good cook is a good cook. For example, in most restaurants they cook jollof rice with all those funny tasting spices which cost much and at the end when you eat it, the rice not only feels dry and hard in your mouth, but the taste puts you off. We know that jollof rice does not require all those spices. Just use the water with which you cooked the meat to boil the rice. Put pepper, tomatoes and crayfish. Let the rice be well cooked and you have yourself an original jollof rice that tastes so good.
Clothing
The prices of clothes have skyrocketed. Let me focus on jeans which is the most common wear used by both sexes. A pair of jeans trousers now costs from N25, 000 and above. Jeans is particularly good because it can last. You can also wear one pair for a week and just be changing your top. But how many can afford it at such a price?
Not to worry. There is still what we call okirika jeans or second-hand jeans. Make enquiries and know where they sell okirika or where they ”open bale”. On those days go early and make your picks. You can buy three pairs of jeans for N21, 000 and still have change, instead of buying one for N25, 000 from shylock boutique operators, most of who even buy okirika and sell to you at higher prices.
Yet again, you may not even have to change your old jeans. Thank God that today we have what is called rugged jeans. These are jeans that have holes drilled in them or cut open in several places that they look like what we used to call ”patch patch”.
These days when your old jeans get torn, you may wear them like that or have those torn places stitched and yet no one will laugh at you because torn or patched jeans are in vogue.
I never even knew I would ever wear such jeans but since I discovered that people wear ”patch patch” jeans I have started wearing my torn jeans too. Thank God it is part of the fashion now. So it is those who want to waste money that still go to buy expensive jeans. Just keep yours clean and forget the holes.
Cars
Aaah! Many Nigerians are now trekking and liking it. They have no choice – no thanks to the astronomical cost of fuel. You save between 50 to 60% of the money you would have used in driving your car by using public transport. The benefits are huge. It makes you walk and become fitter, thus improving your health. It makes you look ordinary and evade the attention of kidnappers, unless they know you and target you.
I have seen two former commissioners in this state entering shuttle buses. If they don’t care, is it me that will care? Thus, these days when you board a public bus, no one will tell you that the decent looking man or woman beside you is cutting costs like you. Just nod your head at them and face your front, after all, ”na we we” as they say.
It is in these parts that everyone wants to use their cars. Abroad, people mostly use trains, taxis or buses, except when it is necessary to use their cars. If we that are here are not better than them, why try to outdo them? Biko ka anyi gbalu ogwu anyi nua.
TV Subscription
Many young men who love football no longer watch at home. They go to viewing centres on weekends and relax and watch games till the evening. Just buy a bottle of soft drink or beer and you are good to go.
I don’t mean those rickety viewing centres but the ones for the elite. You can see such in hotels or big viewing centres. Many who watch football games there have since stopped subscribing to DSTV who are shylocks. They prefer to save the money which goes from N25, 000 and above. Who wants to throw away money? DSTV gbakwaa oku. Oh yes. Na who no know road dem dey cheat.
Electricity
I know a friend who told me that he would surreptitiously remove his card from his meter and tell his family that there is no light. But one day during the holidays, one of his children told him that their neighbours had light. He was forced to go and put back his card. That was his own survival technique which however did not work for him.
But the lesson here is that you should ration how you use your electricity to avoid exhausting your package long before it is due. Na sense man dey use these days o.
It is no more the time to show off except you are a politician or a fraudster (Yahoo and Yahoo-Yahoo; even Yahoo Plus). Don’t look at anybody and don’t allow anyone push you into living a lifestyle you cannot afford. This is not the time to compete with anybody. Just be yourself, live according to your means and do your business within the confines of the law.
It will be just too bad if you break the law and go to jail on top of your problems. The most important thing is for something to be in your stomach and you have a clear conscience that makes sleep come easily. Above all, pray for good health. It is when you are down and beg people for money that you will understand why that poor but healthy neighbour is happy.
May God save us as we apply our various survival techniques in this Tinuburized Economy; after all, he who fights and runs away today, lives to fight another day. We shall survive and tell our stories in due course.
