By Akabueze Chukwudebe Jessica
It’s only a matter of time before we realize that life is scary in different ways.
First, let’s see life from society, we see how society treats people based on their lifestyle and conditions, instead of treating them based on human emotions and characteristics.
If one is wealthy, has a car, has a mansion and just has enough money to throw around, society then will be divided into two: one side of society will be extremely proud and turn the person into a god, praising and identifying the person as one who has faced all challenges and has conquered all.
On the other side, society frowns at the individual for showcasing his wealth, labeling the person a ritualist or a scammer (yahoo boy). Worse comes when such a person is embroiled in a scandal or loses all his money. Those individuals, that society praised will turn and use the scandal as a means to chew the individual, to castrate the person out of society.
They do this till the individual is tired, falls and doesn’t know how to get up anymore and most times thinks of suicide. That’s when society stops taunting the individual. But has society thought and seen that the stigma doesn’t go?
Society likes to act as a guardian to its people. A saying goes: ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. But in reality, it also takes a society to belittle a child and deflates the child’s dreams and hopes, as it causes the pain and hurt that the child encounters.
Let’s take for instance, the raising of a boy child in Nigeria. I don’t think there is any society in Nigeria that allows a boy child, or any male at that, to express his emotions. A male child from the age of 8, at most starts hearing, ‘Boys don’t cry, you are a man, so you should not cry, you should not show your emotions, you should be strong, start thinking of what to do to make money and don’t be lazing about’.
All these and more are said to a child not old enough to take care of himself, but is forced to grow quickly as he does not want to be labelled a failure by society.
All these impact the child’s life and as such when the child finally grows in that toxic environment, he begins to question his emotions, begins to look for quick ways to get money, just to be accepted by society, and since he was not taught how to deal with it from the get go, he starts looking for ways to pour out the emotions, like killing, fighting, rioting, and so many other things that badly affect society.
Even then, society does not learn from its mistake but instead keeps on treating all its males like their emotions do not matter and blaming the families they were brought up from, forgetting they society joined in bringing the child up.
But in other climes, if these boys or aspiring men were loved and taken care of by society, they will definitely bring development to their society instead of destruction.
Yes, there are different ways of making money, but with the pressure from society, most of these males lose their way.
But that’s not all society does. It does not only attack the males, but the females also. It sends the females to the firing squad as they are put on the front line of the battle field to fight for what they know is right and what is well deserved but without any protection.
I for one know that the sayings, ‘a woman’s place is in the kitchen’ and ‘woman be submissive to your husband before he will love you’, are words women listen to every day; words young ladies and girls are forced to hear every day without a choice to choose otherwise, because if they do, they are called names, they are cast out of society as ill-mannered women, or as an unloved women.
You see a woman in today’s society being beaten in her marriage but is scared to leave. Why? Because of what people will say; how they will look at her, what will happen to her family name, e.t.c. At this moment, she is more scared of how society will react than what will happen to her if she remains in the marriage.
There was a time I went on a trip and there in the car were two women having a serious discussion about girls and marriage. One of the women went thus: ‘I would prefer my daughter to be in the kitchen cooking, than for her to attend school, because it’s just a waste of resources and time.’
I came to ask myself if there were still women that thought like this in this 21st Century.
Are there really women out there that don’t see the need for female education? If they don’t see the need and push for the younger generation of girls to have the opportunity to read and learn, then how will society understand the need for proper education of the females?
How do we expect the females to fight for their rights when they are females out there in society who do not believe in them?
Society has made it a thing that a woman who does not give birth be called barren and to be avoided. But why should this be allowed in our society? Why should it be forced on women? Shouldn’t it be a thing of joy and rather than of force? Motherhood should not be forced on women, it is not acceptable.
Marriage/motherhood is not the only thing a female can achieve in her life. Yes, it’s a thing of joy but it’s not the only thing achievable. Women have more things they can achieve, so society should stop forcing it on them and judging them on it.
Why does society even find it easy to judge men and women?
If a woman is not married at 25, she should not be called a woman. If a man does not build a mansion at 25, he should not be called a man.
But why? What of their feelings?
When then will society start keeping up with its members’ feelings instead of subjecting them to mental difficulty?
When, we ask, and when will the answers come?
When will society support its members rather than ridiculing them? When will society shade its children from hurt, than being the one inflicting the injuries?
Finally, we ask: when will society wake up and start being the guardian, instead of the perpetrator?
Did you know?
The longest living society in Nigeria, are the Ijaw people, with a History stretching as far as 800BCE.
Jessica is a corps member serving at Fides Media
