By Obiotika Wilfred Toochukwu
It’s a common saying that when poverty comes in through the door, love moves out through the window. Except for the selected buoyant businessmen, most families have been torn apart with partners proving unfaithful due to the economic woes. Nigeria, Africa’s largest economy, is grappling with a scourge that threaten to undermine the very fabric of its society: infidelity.
As the country navigates the challenges of economic reforms and hardship, the institution of marriage is facing unprecedented pressures. Nowadays, we speak of infidelity without much embarrassment. The ugly trend has led to death, assault, misfortune, regrets, and banishment amongst couples. For the fact that when infidelity is mentioned, we do not see bowed heads, broken hearts, unmentionable terms rather, we have witnessed calm and cool demeanor, affirming signal; our society had been fragmented and violated.
Driven by poverty and hunger, a call for fidelity in Nigeria is like a solitary voice in a sexual wilderness. Infidelity and other forms of immorality have gained acceptance within the communities. They have assumed a sophisticated tones, a shunning smile and tolerant attitude.
The stigma of guilt has been erased with a nice-sounding word and invitation display tagged “affair”. Such malaise which every organized society should condemn is now wrapped in mystery, fascination, and excitement. What was once behind the scenes – a secret closely guarded – is now in the headlines, a TV theme, a bestseller, as common as the cold.
The economic downturn has led to a surge in unemployment, with many Nigerians struggling to make ends meet. This has created an environment where desperation and frustration could lead individuals to seek comfort in extramarital affairs. The new year celebrations are over, it’s a season of love just as the world we live in has several notions of love.
Many young men and women are eager to reap where they did not sow through manipulation, deception and intimidation no matter what the possible outcomes would be for them. Coping with the economic hardship may not provide all the reasons why people engage in infidelity but it stands as a contributing factor.
Besides, several celebrities and important personalities in Nigeria who have had their marriages glamorized were often crestfallen by unfortunate extramarital affairs involving their partners. Many people in our time are even ashamed to declare that they have been faithful to their spouses which is like being ashamed of good health during an epidemic.
The shrapnel of social media bombardments, ultimately gets embedded in our minds, brainwashing us into believing that adultery is actually healthy, rejuvenating and understandable. Cheating is no longer a shameful act. The impact of infidelity on Nigerian families cannot be overstated. The breakdown of marriages has led to an increase in single-parent households, with orphaned children often bearing the brunt of the consequences.
Again, the emotional trauma caused by infidelity can have long-lasting effects on children, leading to behavioral problems and emotional distress. The thought always on the minds of many that the grass is greener on the other side or that it’s acceptable to hop the fence have dire consequences. Finding intimacy outside one’s marriage with someone other than one’s mate does not simplify life, it complicates it.
Sleeping with someone other than your mate is not acceptable and adventurous; it’s destructive and dangerous. First, infidelity causes pain to the other. Turning away from your mate in search of intimacy or fulfillment while keeping it a secret is the beginning of betrayal. Any sexually unfaithful husband or wife must devote time and money, as well as physical and emotional energy to the secret “lover”. The betrayed partner is actually paying for the cheater’s pleasure.
Secondly, infidelity masks the real problem. A feeling of discontent in a husband or wife does not help you escape poverty rather it camouflages the real malady and permits it to grow worse. Third, infidelity is destructive of self. A self-deceived person is obviously his or her own worst enemy.
When we feel that we must lie to someone who trusts us and whom we love, we are trapped in what psychologists call a “double bind”. Instead of resolving conflict, it perpetuates it because the deluded person lives a lie.
By and large, being financially responsible is one thing and being ridiculously frugal is quite another. This age in which we live could hardly be described as conducive to a sensitiveness of the needs of others. We have developed a veneer of sophistication and hardness. The best thing one can do for oneself is to remain single, living a solitary life than play with the emotions of committed individuals.
It is essential for every government in Nigeria to tackle the root causes of infidelity. Most of our political leaders are calloused and indifferent towards mankind’s poverty and distress. Aside economic empowerment, the government must do everything within its power to make food, clothing and shelter affordable and within the reach of common citizens. Social programs that promote family values and provide free counselling services for couples should be established in all the states of the federation.
Certainly, the rise of infidelity in Nigeria is a symptom of a larger problem – economic hardship and social inequality. Making life difficult even very hard for citizens has recycled a mindset that underrated family values and relationships.
Obiotika Wilfred Toochukwu writes from St. Patrick’s Catholic Church Awgbu, Anambra State, Nigeria.
